We stepped out of the shower together as I pulled my robe around me. My heart sat heavy in my chest; the week was nearly over, tomorrow I would be flying back south.
How could life change so dramatically in just seven days?
How could my character reconfigure so drastically in such a short time? I sat on my side of the hotel bed, pondering the resolution of this passionate week.
You climbed onto the bed behind me, inching your way to my side.
Your arms wrapped around me, your hands gently opening my robe as you kissed the nape…
“My Indian,” I softly called you as we laid between the crisp, icy sheets of your college dorm makeshift-king bed. Your face rested on my chest as I gently ran fingers across your forehead, glossy jet black hair smoothly pushed back from your widow’s peak framing your dark Native skin. Your head bobbed up and down slightly with each breath I took, reminding me of the hours we spent idling in gentle ocean waves.
I pressed my lips to your forehead as you inhaled deeply, stealing my hard-earned warmth and replacing it with cold room air. You wrapped your arms…
“Hey, have you seen my rowing shirt?” I asked, confused at how I could have misplaced one of my prized possessions from my bygone days of rowing.
I had received the shirt in question as a trophy for rowing a 2k in the span of 5 minutes, 34 seconds. I used the shirt to wipe sweat from my eyes after the race, somehow unable to wipe the smile from my face. Standing with my teammates on the winner’s block, I draped the shirt around my neck next to the gold medal we had trained all semester long to earn.
He had the damnedest scent about him. It was the perfect balance: aftershave, cologne, flesh, pheromones. These elements in tandem have the power to requisition my heart. He is an overwhelming sense of home and belonging. Enveloped, encompassed, cherished in his arms; when he holds me, I become a part of him.
I had never known someone become a lighthouse for me in a singular moment. Radiating flawless love, he guides me towards him amidst a boundless, unseeing storm. I breathe in his love, his devotion, his kindness. In a heartbeat I became an addict, desperate to memorize every element…
What is this passion that’s so heavy,
This hunger that makes me so hollow.
What is this longing I constantly feel,
This need to give myself completely?
Why am I so enraptured in a thought,
Even if only for a moment,
That it consumes me completely.
My heart slams in my chest.
My eyes stop seeing.
My mouth runs dry.
My mind cannot render anything else.
I awaken seconds later,
Gasping for breath.
Anger settles in upon letting these emotions swallow me,
My face flushes with aimless desire.
These are not my thoughts to have.
My mind reminds me that it’ll never happen.
You’re falling in love with another; she could…
The night finals concluded in our spring semester, we were the only ones left on my all-girls hall. You were the junior I had dated for the last five months, and she was my Residents Advisor turned best friend. We felt the familiar cabin fever that becomes so contagious near the end of each semester, and we knew by now we were going to do something impulsive, reckless and a little stupid. We passed the time in my room, contemplating the perfect activity while talking about everything and nothing, all at once. The girls across the aisle had left their…
“Are you kidding me? Do you seriously not have the money ready?!” My big sister bellowed at me from behind the steering wheel. I could see the Wisconsin toll-booth in the distance, maybe three-quarters of a mile down the road.
“What is wrong with you?! Are you always this ill-prepared in any situation?!?” Her ranting and raving continued as I sat there in stunned silence, simmering beneath the surface. …
December 23, 2017-
We sat at polar opposite ends of the living room, similar to the polar opposite lives we had been living under the same roof for the last year. The tree glittered in its corner, a single string of lights peeking out amidst evergreen branches to cast a soft glow into the frigid room.
I couldn’t look at you. I couldn’t breathe.
The weight of our crumbling marriage was stifling my ability to inhale. My chest felt crushed by enormous pressure, like a tidal wave crashing into me, pinning me underneath the surface.
Every muscle in your body…
In this life, may I help more than I’ve hurt.